The Other Side of Adoption

Life has been full over the past couple months as we have been actively raising our support team for Thailand and in the midst of that got matched with a birth mom.  We have been experiencing the excitement of having individuals back us and become excited along with us for what God is doing in Thailand.  It has been encouraging.  Along with that has been a season of sadness, loss, grief, trust and training as we were matched with a birth mom back on March 18th who was due with a baby boy May 21st.  We became very involved with K and instantly loved her and baby.  We walked alongside her for 6 weeks and quickly learned the hardness, difficulty, and blessing of birth parent ministry.  As there were many times we struggled with knowing how to show K love, while still making wise decisions, we felt God calling us to stay committed to her in spite of the hardness of the relationship and take advantage of the opportunity God had given us with her to share the love of Jesus.  It was not an easy time and there were many moments we felt that everything was going to fall apart.  On April 29th things did fall apart as K decided to walk away from our family and pursue a different option for her son.  That day was one of the hardest days I can remember in our lives.  She left with not giving us any clarity as to why she made her decision, and while that has been a struggle to work through, I have realized that we do not need to know why.  Because in the end, God had called us to love and care for K for those 6 weeks and that was all.  He called us to be faithful to her, to care for her, to show compassion to her, and to share the love of Jesus with her not because there was a baby boy in the end, but because we truly loved and cared for her.  

As we walked into domestic adoption our biggest fear was having to know the birth parents.  As we have walked this journey for almost 2 years now, God continues to shape our understanding of adoption as well as our view of the birth parents.  We have gone from questioning the motives of these women who make a plan of adoption for their child to respecting the sacrificial love it takes for her to make such a plan.  We have learned that adoption is way bigger than providing a home for a child.  Yes, that is one piece of it, but the ministry opportunity is the other piece that is far to often forgotten.

If I was asked to give one piece of advice for couples considering domestic adoption it would this - If God is calling you to domestic adoption, He is also calling you to birth parent ministry.  You can not separate the two.  They go hand in hand.  The ministry piece will look differently in all situations, but it most certainly is there.  Even if the adoptive couple never gets to meet the birth mother, there is opportunity to pray faithfully for her.  Maybe the adoptive couple gets the opportunity to spend a few hours with the birth mother, they can pray for and with her.  They can take advantage of the time given with her to show her the love of Christ.  Or maybe the adoptive couple gets to become very involved in the birth mother's life as we did with K.  Pray, show love, share Christ, show perseverance in the relationship with no strings attached.  Remember that birth parent ministry is a Gospel opportunity!