For the past 6 months or so we have been getting numerous foster care referrals. There have been quite a few of the referrals that we have said "yes" to accepting, but each time we've said "yes" something would happen and they would fall through. Every time that would happen we were ok with it. Our hearts were open to taking in a child, but we also wanted to be wise and discerning in deciding what we could handle. We knew God was still healing and teaching us from our first placement, and we knew His hand was in each situation that we said "yes" to but didn't receive placement.
The past couple months God has been working in our hearts to move forward with some different types of ministry, so foster care went down on our radar of priorities that we were moving forward with. Well, God obviously still had it as a priority for us because last Tuesday night we accepted a placement of a 17 year old young mom with a 5 month old baby.
Last Tuesday afternoon I was sitting at our desk checking my email when I saw a referral for a mom and baby needing a place that night. I thought, nope. Not going to happen. I'm not even going to respond to my social workers' email. I kept about my afternoon and an hour or so later my phone buzzed. My social worker texted me, "Did you see that referral for that mom and baby?" Still, I decided to ignore it. A few hours later my phone started ringing. Guess who? My social worker! I felt convicted to answer it, so with a grimace on my face I did. Again she asked, "Did you see the referral for that mom and baby?" Sheepishly I admitted that I had, but that I needed to call Matt to talk to him about it. I told her I would call her right back. I called Matt. We talked about our concerns and then I called our social worker. I shared my concerns and the different ministries that we had started to pour ourselves into. I told her that I didn't think we had the time and energy to pour into this girl and her baby. I asked her some questions about the girl, but she had no answers. She told me, "I'll have the case team call you real quick and they should be able to answer you questions." I thought, ok, that will be fine. It's just some more information. A few minutes later the case team calls. I answer. They say, "We are so happy that you accepted this placement!" I said, "Um, NO, we are not sure yet and would like some questions answered." I asked my questions and told them that my husband would be getting home from work soon and we will talk it over and call them back. Matt got home. We talked. We called them back together to ask a few more questions and then asked for 5 minutes to talk it over again before giving our answer. We hung up with the case team again and looked at each other and wondered how we were supposed to make a decision like this in 5 minutes! Those 5 minutes went too fast yet also felt endless. We decided that we were going to say no. We called the case team and Matt started to gently tell them in a roundabout way that we were going to say no. They started to plead with us and let us know that they were about to pick the mom and baby up and had no other options for them. We ended up saying "yes" and the mom and baby came that night.
Since then life has been a whirlwind. Each day I feel like I am moving at 150% of my normal pace. I am tired. I am sick of laundry (thanks to the bed bug threat they came with). I feel overwhelmed. I am confused at all the paperwork that needs to be filled out. My calendar feels overbooked with all the new social worker meetings and doctor appointments that need to happen on top of our already busy schedule. We are 26 and 25 and have a senior in high school to take care of who also has a baby! Are we crazy?
Our culture and most American Christians would either tell us or think yes, you guys are crazy. But, you know what, I'm ok with being and feeling a little crazy, because Christ calls me out of my comfortable life to pursue things in this world that will be hard, that will cause stress at times, that will make me uncomfortable, that will take up time that I selfishly don't want to give up.
Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
Matthew 16:24
Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
Luke 14:27
Right now God is calling Matt and me to "take up our cross" in the form of reaching out to this young mom and her baby.
To be honest, I have already had many moments where I want to throw in the towel and yell out to God that this is not worth it, but the Spirit keeps reminding me that that is not Truth. That my despair and feelings of inadequacy and overwhelmedness are lies that Satan is using to try to break me. I have to go to the Truth and trust the Truth for what it says. The Truth, God's word, says that it is worth it! That it is a blessing to be struggling the way I am. That this struggle will produce in me growth in Christlikeness. That this struggle is temporal and will end.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Romans 8:18
With all that said, I must acknowledge that it is only through God's sustaining grace that we are able to reach out to this mom and her baby.
And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
Colossians 1:17
At this time we are unsure how long they will be with us. We have to be wise in discerning how much we can take on as a couple, yet also relish in the truth that the Spirit is in us and through Him we can do things we thought not possible.
*******I write these thoughts mainly to myself as a battle rages inside me and Matt as we continue to have to make decisions on behalf of this mom and baby. I also hope that through sharing these thoughts others can be encouraged who have put themselves out there for the sake of the Gospel and because of the Gospel, and that others would be encouraged to step out in faith in the areas that God is calling them to serve.*******
