Well, we are back into the swing of things with foster care. After our 3 foster kids left about 1 1/2 months ago, I don't think neither Matt or myself thought that we would have kids ago so soon let alone 2 of the 3 that we had for the previous 10 months.
When K, P, and J moved to their new foster home back at the end of May the foster family had some major challenges with the oldest, and so the decision was made to move her to another home close by where she could get special attention and care to help her with her needs. So sadly, but for the good of the situation and the kids, they were split up. P and J were in that home for 1 1/2 months, and then 2 1/2 weeks ago Matt and I got the email asking us if we would take P and J back into our home.
We spent a little over a week talking it over and deeply praying through what God was calling us to do. I can say that when I got the email asking us to consider this I thought...."oh, please no." I think I even outwardly groaned. Matt and I had just gotten out of 10 months of having these foster children, in which during the time we had them we made many mistakes and really caused each other some scars and hurt. Not to say that the whole time we had the kids was a disaster, because through it all God's grace was among us, and we can look back and see that He had worked through us despite our sinfulness and failures. Over the past 1 1/2 months that the kids were not with us God really worked in our hearts in restoring trust in Him and in each other and is continuing to do that. When I read the email to consider having 2 of the kids come back I immediately wallowed in my selfish desire to want to keep life easy and happy, because Matt and I were in such a happy, growing, and carefree state again, and really all I wanted to focus on was our baby that we are going to have in October. During the following week or so that we prayerfully considered God's will in this decision, I felt God continually breaking down my selfish desires and fears of bringing back into my life the very thing that caused so much hurt and struggle in the very recent past.
It took me a couple days, but finally as I sat down one morning to have some quiet time with God I spilled my heart to Him about my internal struggle of taking P and J back in. I felt that for the first time since reading the email from our social worker asking us to take them back that I was open to God working in me however He wanted. Even if He DID want us to say yes. I asked Him to really speak to my heart through His word, and He sure answered that prayer. At the time I was reading through the book of Mark, and the verse that stuck out to me like it was printed in bold was chapter 9:37. It was Jesus talking and He said:
"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me."
I felt that God was using that verse to really challenge my heart to really consider that He actually might be asking us to in faith bring the kids back. Of course, throughout that day I just kept thinking about what I read and then would push it away because I would become fearful of all the things that could go wrong and all the hard times having the kids back could bring.
A few mornings later I got onto Desiring God's blog to read what they had posted that day, and this article exemplified exactly how I felt about the decision we had to make with the kids.
Lay Aside the Weight of “Not Feeling Like It”
What do you not feel like doing today?
You know what I mean. It’s that thing that’s weighing on you, which you know would honor God because it obeys his law of love (John 15:12), or is a work of faith (2 Thessalonians 1:11), or puts “to death the deeds of the body” (Romans 8:13). You know it would be good for your soul or body or family or vocation or neighbor or church.
But you don’t feel like doing it. You know that God promises you more blessing if you do it than if you don’t. But you’re struggling to believe it because it feels difficult. It’s like you have weights on your ankles. You don’t want to muster the energy, and every distraction glows with attraction.
The Strange Pattern of Progress
While it’s true that this is our indwelling sin of which we must repent and fight to lay aside (Hebrews 12:1), the experience of “not feeling like it” also can become for us a reminder of a gospel truth and actually give us hope and encouragement in this battle.
Think about this strange pattern that occurs over and over in just about every area of life:
- Healthy, nutritious food often requires discipline to prepare and eat while junk food is convenient, tasty, and addictive.
- Keeping the body healthy and strong requires frequent deliberate discomfort while it only takes constant comfort to go to pot.
- You have to make yourself pick up that nourishing but intellectually challenging book while popping in a DVD is as easy and inviting as coasting downhill.
- You frequently have to force yourself to get to devotions and prayer while sleeping in or reading the sports or checking Facebook is almost effortless.
- Learning to skillfully play beautiful music requires thousands of hours of tedious practice.
- Excelling in sports requires monotonous drills ad nauseum.
- Learning to write well requires writing, writing, writing and rewriting, rewriting, rewriting. And usually voluminous reading.
- It takes years and years of schooling just to make certain vocational opportunities possible.
You get the idea. The pattern is this: the greater joys are obtained through struggle and difficulty and pain, while brief, unsatisfying, and often destructive joys are right at our fingertips. Why is this?
Why the Struggle and Difficulty and Pain?
Because God, in great mercy, is showing us everywhere, in things that are just shadows of heavenly realities, that there is a great reward for those who struggle through and persevere (Hebrews 10:32–35). He is reminding us almost everywhere to walk by faith in a promised future and not by the sight of immediate gratification (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Understood this way, each struggle becomes an invitation by God to follow in the faithful footsteps of his Son, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2).
Those who are spiritually blind only see futility in these struggles. But for those who have eyes to see, God has woven hope (faith in his future grace) right into the futility of creation (Romans 8:20–21). Each struggle becomes a pointer saying, “Look ahead, past the struggle itself, past the temptation of the puny, vapor joys to the great, sustained, substantial Joy set before you!”
Endurance, Not Indulgence
So today, don’t let “not feeling like it” reign as lord (Romans 6:12). Rather, through it see your Father pointing you to the reward he has planned for all who endure to the end (Matthew 24:13). Let it remind you that his call is not to indulgence but endurance.
Then lay this weight aside and run with faith the race he has set before you.
This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17–18)
I knew after I read this article that God was crushing in me the majority of reasons that I so wanted to say no to about taking the kids back in. The reality was I just didn't feel like it, but it challenged me to think more eternally on our decision.
Those were just 2 ways that God used during that week to help lead me to saying yes with Matt in this decision. Matt and I had many conversations during the week too where we were able to reflect back on our previous 10 months and talk about what we both learned from the past foster situation and how, if we went back into it, we could both meet each others needs better and support each other better.
We have now had P and J back in our home for about a week and a half, and although there have already been challenges I feel God faithfully equipping and humbling me to lean on Him daily to care for these kids.
I think that God gave us the month and half break from foster care to restore our joy in Him and in each other. Now He is calling us to step back into this ministry, and even though we are still sinful and weak, He wants us to lean on Him more fully and apply what He taught us from the past experience of foster care.
P is on the far left and J on the far right. They are engrossed in Micky Mouse with their friends Kebe and Shena.
